How To Have Amazing Sex with Someone Who’s Had Sexual Trauma

So much of the information available about sex (and life) after trauma has a very walking-on-eggshells, handling-with-kid-gloves type of vibe.

Which makes sense because yeah, the point is to be sensitive about a particularly fragile part of a person and avoid causing distress. But making sex not-upsetting is not a very inspiring bar.

Most of us want sex to be amazing! We want to show up as our fullest selves – raw and weird and fucked up – and we want to feel celebrated and connected and seen and craved. And yeah, we want to be respected and treated with sensitivity when needed.

But many of us don’t want kid gloves. We want uninhibited desire and perverted fantasies! (And we know sex isn’t always going to be amazing. Mediocre sex is a part of life, and honestly that can be fun too.)

All of that is to say that, like most educational content about sex, pleasure is not the focus in most of the info we’ve seen about sex after trauma. Which leaves something to be desired, since pleasure is one of the main focus